Guess where I found it?

I was complaining that I couldn't remember this delightful scripture song that I had heard. Guess where I found it? On my blog!

Please remember to tell me that when I start crying about not remembering. "Mom, you probably put it on your blog!" Just remind me, will you. Aging is so uncomfortable, when you are used to having a memory to lean on. :)

Ezra's concert! thank you for coming!

This is a morning that I feel missing you! It is Grandma Monica's birthday

My whole life, until marriage, I celebrated my birthday as being my grandma's birthday. I think she was born in 1912. She would have been 49 when I was born and she would be 104, this year. I cried for years, after she passed. She seemed the only one to have understood me, somehow. There were many reasons why.

When we moved down here to NC. I felt like she came to visit me with 10 or 12 other grandmothers. I felt like I found her and was looking for her, at the same time. I was very sick with a fever and I will always blame this on the envisioning of her. It wasn't a vision exactly, as much as it was a sense of her. I felt so very far from her, when she died and I never could reconcile that in my mind, in my questions to God, who I love above all others. She was as close to loving God as a person could have been in my heart, and I took that love for granted many days.

It is clear to me that there is a relationship formed with the spiritual life, when you seek God early in your life. There was a relationship between this party that I felt like Grandma had planned and the closing of my womanly way. I was ending an era in my life and I felt sick, perhaps related to it. It felt like the angels in heaven have some part in squeezing the last part of womanhood and tying it up in a bow. I do expect to see my motherhood bow in heaven when I get there. That is one of the early parts of your body that dies and goes to Heaven. We danced around my living room. We twirled and giggled and celebrated a victory for Jesus. Not perfect mothering, by any means, but a motherhood devoted to God and filled with prayerful dependence on His Grace. Many times the devil whispers that a good God can't understand my pains. Each labor pain, each morning sickness, each submission to His providence, for Christ's sake is seen by a faithful redeemer. Each stumbling and fall into anger and wrongdoing is also seen and recorded. God granted a great blessing on my mothering, even above the beauty and joy of the great children that I have on earth, this memory of the grandmothers coming for the celebration of the closing of my womb is a private encouragement that I pass on to you, as something to look forward to and be encouraged to reach for greater wonder in your relationship with God. If I am not in Heaven, when you go through "the change", I will plan a party to parallel my experience. If I am in Heaven, look out!