unedited thoughts

She shall be saved through the childbearing...

If they continue?

Is every promise in the book mine? No promise in the book is mine if I am not attached to the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ. I believe that this is the deception of our era

It tries to resonate salvation apart from the covenant of church membership. Spurious faith as expressed by unattached humans to covenant of marriage and of covenant all agreements far and wide reaching. There is little or no protection from the elements of this world system of deceptions in our own strength if we are walking in our awn sins. we all too often are walking in our sins and the degradation follows us from generation to generation. The "Devolution of our race in the full light of the sun of God's entire revelation given to us and yet we would much rather walk in the light of our own expressions than pour over what is already revealed. we are not tricking our children and they are indeed calling us into question on al of our inconsistencies with regard to our faith. Why are you acting as an unattached Christian. why is your attachment greater to the things of the world than the things of Christ.

Which regard to women, He shall rule over her. With regard to Her desire, Her desire is to rule over Men and this is far and wide reaching. God promises to subdue such unprincipled desires. You want to be the ruler of the world Woman! God says You will want to take over and do what you want all over the place. It is a Psychosis of Femininity and God has promises regarding this. He will allow it for a moment and then thwart it to the utmost. How much better to accept your position and usefulness in Scripture and do what God intends you to do? why don't we do this. We want our own way and we reap the negative consequences of such actions. God is not tricked by our wrong impulses. God is designing how we will be it back into place as He intended. God has a purpose for our creation and the more we kick against the pricks, so to speak the more we are reaping the sad unnecessary consequences of our own actions. God wants to be known by us. He has spoken, clearly in Scripture about what we are a how we should be acting, but we would rather create our own path of regulating principles. we are looking for our own way...

"All we like sheep..."

Turning to our own way has led us to back and forth on the pendulum of disrespectful actions against God and coming back to him and then going our own way.

Where Is God in this?

sometimes we lose his purpose altogether, in the full light of the sunshine of His completed revelation, I repeat. That is a greater sin than the OT saints. we must look at our culpability as being greater than theirs because they were talking in the darkness. No light

How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation?

...and yet we constantly make up idols of our own cultural persuasions of Christianity and Call it Godliness. we remain at the crossroads of our faith. we must labor to find the unity of the faith in the bond of peace, or we may be guilty of the worst deception of all of time."Will He? Find faith on the earth? Was the question in Scripture? Will He see us clinging to Him or clinging to our father's perceptions of what Christianity meant for them, including their idolatries? We must decide whether or not we will trust Christ's Word on the subject or our own!

It Came, It Came, It Came! the SNOW

Some time in the night, while I was fast asleep, wondering if my baby girl was stuck somewhere in the cotton fields of Murphreesboro, with no help in sight, the snow came to visit us.

Is a wedding worth all of the mothers worrying their wits about 3 giddy girls on the road in the blizzard warning roads of North Carolina? I know we were all concerned that, even though you said you didn't drink at the reception, you were indeed inebriated with the delight of your dear sister coming into her full womanhood of wifing. She is no longer a girlfriend. Even in today's liberated world there is something delightful when we celebrate the coming together of two people under the protection of covenant acceptance of each other. I think even the heavens were delighting in their union. We promise to accept each other in the full light of God's eye. We promise to give each other ourselves and tell everybody that we belong to each other.

It is still enough to make us all drunk with delight that 2 people can come to that agreement to try it for the rest of their lives.

I turned over for the third time and tapped your father to ask if Evie had called and he said yes. I was relieved and went to the window to see if the snow had come. It had!

Hoooooorah!

Two huge delights in 24 hours. My darling daughter was involved in one of the most beautiful things in the world, witnessing 2 people take their vows and NC getting snow for Christmas, but mostly for my birthday. I couldn't ask for a better birthday present!

my new Chocolate yogurt recipe

2 cups plain unflavored yogurt

4 tbsp cocoa

1pkg of knox 1/2 cup sugar

1 cup boiling water

1/2 tsp vanilla

Mix cocoa and boiling water until completely dissolved.

sprinkle knox over the cold yogurt in a large bowl. wait until cocoa mixture is warm, not too hot. pour the cocoa mixture over the yogurt, whisking vigorously. pour into pudding bowls and refrigerate, covered. It is delicious!

Happy Chanukka!

Today is the first day of Hannuka and I don’t celebrate every year, but this year, because my baby is in DC I have an extra moment to make latkes . I have added paprika to the potatoes and garlic and onions and flour mixture to represent the WWII thoughts and the loss of our President Bush. I hope that diplomacy and sectionalism of our nation will be taught to defer, without “compromise to the indivisibles”. Identifying and representing the indivisibles, as we grow in unity is the American way.

I am a Christian and yet the history of Hannuka is celebrated in our hearts in a unique way as the redeemed of the Lord, by the blood of Jesus Christ. I celebrate the fact that our Jewish brethren have a vail over their eyes that God has promised to remove, one day. I celebrate the power of the Gospel that has brought me into unity with Christ and marked the beginning of my unification with the Saints on High. I am growing in my faith day after day, as I saturate my soul in the Word of God and I enjoy the sunshine of God’s smile on my life and faith. I am daily coming to Him for forgiveness and help in this difficult world. I am grateful for the grace to stand in my faith on this day. As I anticipate the celebration of Jesus’ birth on Christmas, I look forward to the unity of the faith in a more perfected country and world. Only Jesus can make that happen!

The Amazing Providence of Women like Marian Wright Edelman

I am so glad you shared your meeting her. I would have given you a mountain of questions to ask her, had I known you were going to meet her. It is better that you met her before I told you about her. Women of her stature are women who empower your every self sacrificial effort. They are not the women that you talk about. They are part of an army of women who have sacrificed some or all of their personal accolades to the guidance of our youth. Her prayers and devotion to a generation of All About "ME" women is notable and lit up by the darkness of selfishness that surrounds it.

Who is the center of the universe? is the catechism that these women have lived out before us and the answer thunders out "WE ARE!" There is no question that no one must stand in their way. No one was saying the things that Edelman was saying. Who will bear the burdens of the children to the throne of grace? Who will wipe the tears and change the diapers? Those questions were left for the children to figure out for themselves. Much of life in the Feminist Actualization Years was about self and self and selfishness. Only the self actualized will survive this overthrow. I am not surprised at the hashtags Metoo that have come to crest and crash upon us as a flood. Not minimizing the victimization of women for time and history, but somebody has to stand for the rights of people who can't speak for themselves. Marian stood for the silent children who have no computer to tweet out the metoo's. She stood for the chaos that ensued from people not caring to lend a hand to the next generation but charges them for entering the world.

As it were, there is a toll at mother's womb edge that says this is the start of your payment for using this vehicle into the world. You don't owe me anything for using my body to come in and make your mark on the world. Life is hard enough without mothers everywhere reminding you that they went through suffering to get you here. Honor is due to the mothers and fathers, but not an eternal debt!

...remind me of that when I get on my rants and get me an Edelman book, to help me to put a muzzle in my complaining...

This Hymn was saying what I was trying to say, yesterday!

If you from sin are longing to be free, Look to the Lamb of God; He, to redeem you, died on Calvary, Look to the Lamb of God.

Refrain: Look to the Lamb of God, Look to the Lamb of God, For He alone is able to save you, Look to the Lamb of God.

When Satan tempts, and doubts and fears assail, Look to the Lamb of God; You in His strength shall over all prevail, Look to the Lamb of God.

Are you a-weary, does the way seem long? Look to the Lamb of God; His love will cheer and fill your heart with song, Look to the Lamb of God.

Fear not when shadows on your pathway fall, Look to the Lamb of God; In joy or sorrow Christ is all in all, Look to the Lamb of God.

Use your hawk eyes for the glory of God. I think all of my children have hawk eyes. You guys can see things that others cannot. It is discernment, it is a spiritual sense, it is a human intuition that comes from generations of mothers in our family who were not dissuaded from using their mother's intuition and teaching others to do the same. Your's has seemed sharpened since your college graduation, somehow. Hawk eye is your college crest and I believe that you have increased your insight into the things around you. I hope you use it wisely and feel confident enough to say what you see. Don't be a "timid Theresa" seek up and see your vision and sense of need incorporated into the surroundings you have made yourself a part of. Don't be a wallflower and wait until the year is nearly over to engage with your peers and your elders and the patients. Everyday, ask God to give you an unforgettable gift of sharing to keep for your life's journey. "Leave it all on the court!" as we tennis players say and you will find that you leave the court with more than you came with.

missing you!

Saturday, DC freedoms!

You can go anywhere! It kind of reminds me of that part of Charlotte's Web, where Wilbur pushes through the gate of the pig pen. He gets out and all of the animals hollar at him, what to do first. Dance and run, dig and scratch, twirl and romp, they hollar! I always laugh, when I get to that part of the book. For the first time, there is freedom and facility for Wilbur. All of us, who grow up confined to a car and a family dynamic, can relate to the confusion that it is to get outside into the world and see something other than cotton!

What shall I do? Where shall I go? Who do I ask about these things? The geese will tell you one thing and the gander another. The horses will say to run and leap, but Wilbur was a pig and the things that are fun for a horse are not fun for a pig. The things that are fun for a pig are sometimes just a warm and delicious bath in the mud. Getting free is a bother for him. I am your mother and we little pigs are happy house people. The banter and bother of the city are like the oinking on our plates sometimes, offensive. Don't judge the pigeaters. Don't sit in the house lamenting the food and the fitness of the fares. Get out there and do whatever your little piggy heart lets you! I love you!

I am imagining if I were living at Emmanuel House.

..I am imagining a wonderful early morning prayer time with the Lord at the beautiful ironing area. I would organize my clothes for a meeting with the Lord, each day. I would pray that God would put my heart in place for the day, as I am putting my clothes into the order for wear. Make me an ornament of your mercy and grace to the patients and to the staff that I have to interact with. The ones that I like and the ones that I don't like, help me to be patient with. I would pray for each person that I meet, in service and in need. We all need your mercy and grace, Lord and don't let us be deceived that we are doing your work when we are only doing what we want to do. This is my prayer where I am and in what I do, as well.

I imagine that my ironing prayers would give me help to meet my day with a right heart attitude. I would imagine that God is ironing my heart to look right also and I would probably iron things that I don't even need to iron. Try not to burn your stuff with an ironing room like you have there.

I have other prayer thoughts for the laundry room and don't forget to watch your step going down there!:)

This was my challenge, looking at the Christ House Ministry...

I was wondering and calculating the amount of money it takes to feed my baby girl for a week, much less a month; all the way there. I was calculating transportation costs and the money that it costs for soap and all those hair products she uses! I decided that she should go into hair care products business and scrap this whole endeavor. The neighborhood was impressive to me. It was clearly historic and I knew that Benjamin Banneker had planned and probably walked this very ground. I could feel the sense of God's comfort no matter how I wriggled in His Hands about this. Ev and I have the hand on head symbol that means "this is above me"! I didn't say that, but I had let my mouth utter all my unbelief to my dear Niece in law and she was gracious to hear and place value on my complaints.

As soon as I saw the building, my heart felt a sense of relief that it was a real establishment {if it wasn't Baptist}. My dear husband was concerned about the faith aspect of the endeavor. That wasn't my concern. My concern was the money aspect. When the young lady made it clear that there was a separate food stipen for the whole house, that dealt with my biggest concern. Now about the "men":"where are they and how much access will they have to my sweetpea?" That was dealt with also. There they were. They were homeless. They were in a hospital-like setting and there was a clear spiritual emphasis, {albeit it wasn't Baptist} which was clear and unchallenged. I was comforted by the similarity of the room to Jo March's room in Little Women. My little birdie was clearly in flight and her wings were taking her to realms, where I couldn't follow. My greatest accomplishment feeling is when they do things that I could never do. This was one of those moments. I didn't cry. Dad was getting misty and he had to try to call Aunt Lee or Eli or somebody to distract himself from the reality that babygirl is a grown woman. She is married to God, at the moment and He's got this!

The clouds were dancing and doing a jig as we went home from SC.

God was so close to us, that it was a scary feeling leaving. I never had such fear and joy that we were heading home. Sometimes, I have fear and sometimes I have joy, but the mixture was something that I couldn't put into words. I almost had an anxiety attack and said, let's take this journey tomorrow morning and that would have meant everybody would have known that I was not feeling well. I simply shut my mouth and let the journey happen. I took pictures of the dancing clouds and the drops of rain on the dashboard seemed to give us greater expectation that our journey was covered.

These times of refreshing, you know will never come again. They are once in a lifetime fellowship experiences. God comes close and He follows a pattern that is familiar for me, so I know that it is Him. I need His hand holding mine when we are in these moments. It took me back to that moment that I knew Mu, knew God. The clouds came close and drenched the beach, but we had been forwarned. Not quite as drastic as the day when Mu told us to go home when I was 5 years old. But, it was a storm that drenched us and reminded me that it was my time to be the "Mum" of my children. I received it. I accepted that mantle upon myself and commit to not allow our elderly people to lose their Heavenly Hopes. I am not completely sure that I know what that means, but I am committed to it.

I saw the "glasses in the clouds", yesterday and they were closer and they had concentration points on them. I had forgotten that my father's birthday was coming so close. The glasses always represent Aunt Gloria for me. She had told me a long time ago to look for her between the glasses. I always thought of going to heaven and having to sift through the crowds of people to find her and that would be our meeting place. I didn't think of them as coming to me regularly, but she showed them to me again, in my imagination and I didn't even want to think about it. The "book of Daniel", her beautiful play with the ladies and glasses with telescopes attached to them. I don't really understand it all, but things come clearer after I note them in my mind or on my blog.

Just because you often ask about such things

I truly wonder if some of the learning disabilities remain undiagnosed until late because of bottle feeding and the propping “no-no”?  At 5 months the baby gets easily distracted and even the most intent of nursing babies has to be coaxed back on the breast, if a good conversation or a new person walks into the room.  

    I remember the wonder of reading about it in the LaLeche books and then experiencing the reality of it with my own children and in the nursing mothers rooms at church.  There was a lesson in patience for the schedule oriented mommy and the attention that the child gained from these unexpected changes in plans seemed to grow the relationship.

I also wonder about the development of focus, direction and persistence.  Are these qualities affected at all by the parental closeness in that bond?

Kids are resilient, my mom would say.  They are who they are, no matter the ingredients of food and such.  Health wise, it may matter,but developmentally may be hard to prove. If you have the patience and perseverance to nurse up to 5 months, you probably think there is little difference in the relationship one way or the other.  But 5 months marks a tremendous turning point, should you choose to continue past there.

'Twas the week of Graduation and

There is more to thank God for than ever.  What a miracle trip into the realms of education this has been?   How amazingly protected and supported by friends and family that you have been?   The fact that this has been the very first call to come and get you, even though that is not what you said is e testimony to His mercy enduring forever!

"He has given His angels charge over your steps" in every way.  God is to be praised for all of the moves in and out of the dorms...Semester in and semester out.  Friends and family keeping you in their prayers and helping in every way.  Truly God has ordered your steps in a good path.  He is amazing!

You have expanded your mind and your opportunities and God is clearly preparing the way before you.  Make plans to give Him from the first fruit even of your education.  Look at this as a greater debt to God for all His benefits toward you.   "What shall I render unto God for all of His mercies? I will take he cup of salvation and call upo the name of the Lord.  Look to God for His direction as to How to begin your spiritual "loan repayment", as well as your financial one.  God can use your testimony and your brothers and sisters can be blessed by what you've accomplished as well.

Remember the Lord in your rejoicing.  I am!

Unpacking our Chowanautical adventure!

What is 6 times 3 Evelyn?

Days of blessing come quietly, as do days of adversity! I hope that I didn't sabotage your mathematical pursuits by encouraging you to spout out in front of the others your one mathematical accomplishment to the shame of your studious sisters.

You always did spout it out and now we are in 2018 and yesterday was 3/6/18. The day made me remember the memorizing of math facts as we sat in the car waiting for a busy, late Daddy, again. Nobody noticed it was 3 times 6 day. I did!

It was a day that seemed to belong to my Evvi. This is your year and your day to shine and I do hope that you do!

By the way, what is 3 times 6, Ev?

Beauty Queens!

Are you safe? Are you whole? Are you well?

Horton hears a who

Horton was holding the entire Whoville apart from their demise and asked were they well. I feel almost like that with you this far away from home.

What a sad day for those parents in Florida when a crazy person wickedly sets himself upon doing a dastardly deed? I simply cannot imagine the anger and the fear and the anguish of those poor children and their parents. It is beyond belief that they have had to go through this horror at school. I am sure that you, like me are brooding in prayer with the hearts of these suffering people in your every thought and prayer, as they endure this great trial. May God give them comforts and rest in their great pain and loss. The loss of security, life, peace and safety are not small things to lose. Let us not take for granted the good days and the times of comfort and rest that we enjoy. Let us thank God everyday that we are enjoying apart from catastrophes happening personal and corporate. Let us be grateful and let us hold these fellow Americans up to the only hope of comfort in these trying times.

In Sync with the Spirit?

The Holy Spirit clearly woke you and moved upon you to call us, so that Ezzy wouldn't be late for school. He is amazing. Isn't He?

Well, it wasn't my mommy's birthday until today and God used you so much to prepare me for the sibling rivalry which is always the feeling when I call my mommy. I have very accomplished siblings and the exhortations that you gave me were in preparation for the eldest child jealousy that is always alive in my heart. You said to me, "I am so sick of you eldest children always having to be first." That was a reproof that found it's target deep in my soul and kept me from the instigation of harmful banter which is sometimes my habit when I talk to my sisters or my mother. We are like cats sometimes scratching each other and we don't mean it. God used you to declaw me before I finally called my mother, yesterday.

I called her and she was on the phone with Ju, which is a constant{I should be jealous}. I am not jealous, but I have carved my identity as being counter Ju in calling. Jackie is my mother's provoker to earthly effectiveness. She, like yourself, has my mother's ear for counsel on earthly things and I have found my purpose in yesterday's conversation, because of my conversation with you. I said, I can find a place of encouragement to my mommy, like Evie did to me. I had given up on finding that kind of place, for the burden of conflict that has been our history. Yesterday, however, we found a place of common ground in the most unlikely place: the place of wormwood! I shared my observations from scripture and she shared her observations and it seemed that God had paved that path for us through the Screwtape Letters. She had her copy right next to her bed, like you do and we were finding common expression through years of disjointed expression and misunderstandings. We have always talked well, but I have taken the posture of daughter and receiver and not of instructor, because of the intimidation. I feel that my heart has taken a place of encouragement to be more assertive. I was so blessed by my daughters all challenging me on so many levels that it made me more desire to be like that with my mother. I'm glad we've lived long enough to sense this growth to peer-like challenges.

The Sermon from our Chaplain Minister

Where's the yeast? Good question!

What to do when your dear friend or family seems to be demeaning your heritage or family?

ie.Bodden Chicken, "you are acting like a Bodden!", That's just like the Boddens do things!, etc.

I don't like it, but I laugh along. I know that we are like the "Unimind!" LGM's, etc. Those are my characterizations and I can laugh at it. But sometimes the characterizations hurt! :( Waaaaaaa! Mommy, they are making fun of us, is what you want to say. It starts with the SAT's and tests like that where they find a question that makes everything in your soul crawl and seethe with anger. They talk about fat people and Christians and Black people and Southerners and Northerners and New Yorkers and I feel like getting them back. Could they possibly have a good motive and a friendly reason for hurting my feelings like that?

It is hard being sensitive. Education does some to help you to put on a stoic expression, when you are hurt or seething. It is kind of like childbirth classes. You know it is going to happen, but when it does all the classes go out of the window and it is every expression for itself!

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good!

Even after much prayer and crying, you have questions about what you did to cause this and what could you have done to have prevented it. God is growing you and strengthening you for this time, so that you can be more sensitive to others' pain, when they go through it. How could I be going through puberty again? Come and lift up your sorrows and learn to laugh with and at yourself and how people may or might characature you in life and practice. Your tears mean that you are not an idol. You are human! Keep getting up from those skinned knees and you will become a great and mightily used woman of God!

You are not here to experience the trepidation and fear and growth as a family

that we face as we stand outside of the door of saying goodbye to our dear dog Emma!

We are all stumbling over ourselves. I hope that your message to God's people on Sunday will reflect the hope that we all feel that one day, no person or dog will ever go through these horrors and sad occurrences again.Your father and Enoch are growing in their leadership and teamwork with eachother. They are seeing that masculinity lends, with its receipt, a responsibility to protect and do things that are very difficult.

I do wish that you would have seen them in the teamwork of cleaning her, in her most scrungiest moments of suffering. Enoch had to direct much of the operation, because your father was beside himself that it had come to this.

NObody looks at their puppy and imagines that she will one day become completely incapacitated. Those same legs that woke each day and ran and jumped and helped us in so many ways throughout her, seemingly short life, would crumble under her so that she can't even stand or move herself. Jesus is with us, even now.

It is hard because Emma represents our childhood in NC. She stood with us through the pains of adjustment from the big city to the "boonies", so to speak. We stand at the door of her departure and attempt to hold onto the childhood that her life touched for each of us. She was there for the changes from elementary to middle school and rejoiced each day, when the little feet came home from school! I am so sorry when I see Ezzy with no happy greeting or happy goodbye from this canine friend that came to live with us. She was there from "counting the quarintas" to the "evacuation drill". It was as if God knew that her heart couldn't rest, if she really thought that she had let one of the sheep escape and she had to know where you had gone to, each time you left. She got to sleep in your room and say goodbye to that part of her care of you.

We are learning, in this epoch of our family dynamic, to respect each other's gifts and contributions to the family. Enoch has been directing and taking the authority of caring for Emma. He is very tired of that responsibility and it is coming to a very real end soon. At this point, I would get another Border-Collie, but we are swiftly becoming individuals and I don't think there will be a group for her to herd.

We wish you all the best in your message, this Sunday and we would be there to support, if we could. Do well!

Were you here with us on Sunday? I miss you

It was wonderful having you home, deary! I know that you are now not used to helping at home as much. But your cooking has truly developed and I was grateful for the wonderful peacemaking and peacekeeping skills that is clearly your forte.

As soon as you leave there is an argument and we all say. Evvie is the one who would have made a joke about that which would unraveled the conflict. Thanks for all you do and keep up the good work! Love MOM.