The proper spending of griefs?

"O, what peace we often forfeit..."

Until you feel the delicate nature of your own soul in the midst of griefs, it is easy to take for granted the fact that there is so much peace that we forfeit not carrying the griefs to God in prayer.
This is the 20th birthday week of my first son who passed on, as a result of betastrep, spinal meningitis on Easter Sunday afternoon at about 1:30 or so, 21 days later.
People say, aren't you over that grief yet? I guess, I am. I am functional. I am growing. I am restored. I am a mother of many children. I am able to count my blessings, but, I am not able to forget. My minds eye sees every detail of the things that they had to do to my poor baby. From the time I woke that morning to the time that they told me that he was gone.
How do I spend my grief, is the question? I could just stay in my bed and cry and I think that there would be some catharsis in this. I trust God to bring me through this season. He knows that I can't carry this grief and he knows that it is all too heavy for me and He who spared not His own son knows, all too well that this is far too heavy a burden for any one person to bear. Grief of a child is. He is the provision for this. He is the peace.
I do understand why Solomon killed his brother, who used the grief of his constantly grieved Bathsheva to try to finagle Abishag out of him. Because everyone knows that a grieving mother is one of the most vulnerable people and easily crushed and the ultimate softee.
God has a judgement for those who have used the weakness of the grieving for their own sordid gain. There will be healing in heaven, I hear?