This morning, was the first in a long time that I've been able to get out and walk. It was so sweet to see the new shoots of grass coming up in our neighborhood. I am not used to seeing so much of the sky and the deafening quiet in contrast to the hustle and bustle of the New York suburbs, that we think of as the slow life. I still love NY, but I am seeing the hand of God holding me amidst this overwhelming change in my life.
This is the day before the "18th birthday". Each year God comes through with some surprising encouragements to swab the pus out of the wounds of my soul at my maternal grief. This was the first year that Ben and I were able to talk about Baby Ben's birth. We have so many stories to talk about after 9 pregnancies, that one was too painful to discuss because it was the part of our lives that died. I feel that perhaps this is the beginning of a new transparency between us about that part of our pain. Men can't be women, but as parent partners and attempted lovers (when we make the time), maybe, we can help eachother better because of our loving transparency and his understanding of my need to share that with him after all these years.
Where are the hyacinths, down here?
No comments:
Post a Comment